


Things left Unsaid

by forthosewhohavefallenexceptionally



Series: Things left unsaid [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Multi, Suicide, evan dies during the tree fall, ghost au, reverse au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 21:24:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11471952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forthosewhohavefallenexceptionally/pseuds/forthosewhohavefallenexceptionally
Summary: All he leaves are three letters. Two crumpled tightly in his hand, the other, pressed against his thigh in a pocket long forgotten.Part One of The Things Left Unsaid series:Part Two: http://archiveofourown.org/works/11473224/chapters/25726494





	1. Preface: The fall

The afternoon sun was bright, almost too bright for Evan’s poor eyes to manage. It shone on his tired face, bringing light to his almost dead features. The bags under his eyes were a deep purple, and his usually bright pink lips almost blue. He wasn’t sleeping. 

He didn’t want to be breathing. 

He wanted everything to be over. 

No more smiles. 

No more pretending he was okay. 

The treetop was a nice place to sit; a place to clear his thoughts. To be himself. To be free, finally. To have peace. 

Evan Hansen was ready to die. 

A single crystalline tear made it’s way down his pale features, sloping and curving around the imperfect, perfection of his jaw. 

Connor Murphy had a perfect jawline. 

Even in this moment his thoughts drifted back to him. 

Always to him. 

He had a note. Well, in his own correction, it was two, gripped tightly in his grasp. Fingers turning red from how harshly he gripped to them. They were his lifeline, the absolute essentials. The momentary and pre diagnosed discretion of his death as well.   
To mom. He wrote. To Jared. He’d almost forgotten. 

Evan was almost too giddy to close his glacier blue eyes and crumple the notes even tighter in his palms. And then he fell.  
He felt like he was flying, like this is the absolute moment that his life led up to. He felt at peace. Until flashes of the brunette flashed in his mind.   
It wasn’t until then that a sob escaped his body, as well as all the air in his lungs. He didn’t feel the contact with the ground. He knew he had, in some obscenely morbid way.


	2. To Mom.

_     Mom.  _

 

_ I’m sorry.  _

_ I’m sorry.  _

_ I’m sorry. _

_ I don’t know what to say. _

_ I don’t know how to make everything okay.  _

_ I don’t know how to be okay myself. _

_ I’m sorry you have to go through this.  _

_ I’m sorry that no matter how hard I tried I’ll never be someone who you would be proud to call your son.  _

_ I was the worst thing that happened to you.  _

_ And there's absolutely nothing I can do to make up for wasting almost eighteen years of your life.  _

_ I love you, mom.  _

_ I love you, so, so, so much.  _

_ I’m so, so, so sorry.  _

_ Please don’t hate me.  _

_ Please.  _

_ Please.  _

_ -Sincerely, Me.  _


	3. To Jared.

_ Jared, _

_ This is messy and complicated and written last minute. At this point, I’m probably dead. Because you wouldn’t be reading this otherwise.  _

_ Even though I’m probably dead at this point, this DOES NOT mean you have permission to let our dear friend Zoe Murphy know that I’m “hopelessly in love” with her brother.  _

_ This is your eternal ticket to car insurance, I guess. You don’t have to pretend to tolerate me anymore, so that’s definitely a plus.  _

_ But, thank you for pretending long enough that people actually thought we were. I’m thankful for you, Jared.  _

_ I considered you a friend, if it means anything. No matter what you put me through.  _

_ You don’t have to come to the funeral if there even is one.  _

_ Sorry for the weird note.  _

_ I hope you have a good life.  _

_ It was truly good to know you.  _

 

_ -Sincerely, Me.  _


	4. Dear Connor Murphy,

_Dear Connor Murphy._

_I apologize for the inconvenience and surprise this note will bring. But in the absence of my life, my words fail, and are left upon dead lips._

_When we were in grade school, we were very close, and I have to admit that was when I had first started developing a crush. When middle school rolled around, you became distant and lashed out at me. They said it had to do with your dad. And I wanted to help, but I didn’t want to press. So we grew apart. But I never stopped thinking about you._

_The envelope I’m putting this in is unmarked. So it might reach you, it might not. Either way, my feelings are being thrown into the endless universe._

_If this does reach you, please don’t be disgusted by this. Just find it endearing. Just know that one person cared about you more than anything in the world._

_I loved you, Connor Murphy._

_I really did._

_I hope your life is grand and amazing. And that you find happiness and love. Because you deserve the world._

  
_-Sincerely, Me._


End file.
